Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I wear drunk well.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
