you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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