i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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