we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
