She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
