seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
