I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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