If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
