I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
