I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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