Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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