My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
