i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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