In the future we'll all be gay
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
