i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
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you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
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Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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