Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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