Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
