Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize