I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
