Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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