There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
