I just made out with a guy for $7.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
