Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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