i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
