Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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