My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I smell like Dick and happiness
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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