You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
