plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
