how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize