Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
if only i could text you this smell
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
