I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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