she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
