We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
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