I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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