Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
babies were throwing up all over the place
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
