I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So. Much. Porn.
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