i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
