if you like me you must not know who I am
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
