carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
