Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize