i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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