my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
