i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
