Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
barbara walters just said penis...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
