I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
