Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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