i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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