so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Randomize
