in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
