Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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