So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
