just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
