there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
