just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
