Will you blow on my dice?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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