Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
