I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
