i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
