Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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