dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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