I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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