i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
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How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
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He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?