did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.