I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just invented taco cereal.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is