I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.