did you get engaged???
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...