If i come over, it means nothing
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
