Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
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Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
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We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?