I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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