apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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