You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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