I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
