dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
