I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
