What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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