I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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