i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
