He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
