I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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