I like my sex mixed with concussions.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
