I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
