i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
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We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
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Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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