Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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