The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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