we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just had sex on a roof
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
