i just wanna soil my oats bro
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
