I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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