so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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