I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
