dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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